Archive for the ‘Books’ Category

The Most Precious Gift to Your Child at the Holidays: QUALITY TIME

Time a four-letter word. Looks so simple. Sounds so simple. Yet, how many Excuses do you make to spend quality time with your child?

I did not spend a lot of physical time with my father growing up. By the time I was eighteen he died during my midterms in my first semester of college. There was no opportunity to say, “goodbye”.

The last time I spoke with him I was at school begging the Administration to use their phone to call New York. I was in California and had no money to use the payphone to call the hospital long distance. “My father is dying in New York”. I pleaded crying, “Let me use the phone”.

That would be my last conversation with him standing in front of a group of strangers while I listened to my father crying begging “God” to release him from his pain. It was as if lightening struck me. My father had always been an Atheist; unusual at the time for a Black man but conformity was not his nature.

As a young girl my father, Stacy Seppinni made sure that every visit with me was focused on me. I quite often sat on his lap until he would request for me to show him my latest dance moves. I played with his glasses, watch and hands. He allowed me to be close to him. He made sure that my time with him was spent without the interruption of my three older brothers. Our time was quality time.

While in prison (from the time I was two until just before my seventh birthday) he wrote me letters, called, wrote me a poem for each one of my Birthdays and sent gifts other prisoners made just for me– a portrait of me, hand carved jewelry boxes with my name and leather goods were just a few of the items.

We spent our time fishing on Sunday’s when I was 7-8 years old. He’d make me Cream of Wheat (my favorite at the time) or Oatmeal at 4 AM in morning. This was the time he used to sit and read the paper and talk to me about the happenings at my school. On weekends when he was home we went to the Metropolitan Museum in New York. We’d stop in front of his favorite paintings discussing the artist. He enjoyed taking me to the park. He’d sit and read the paper while watching me play. I especially enjoyed when he took me to Central Park to see Patty the Monkey.

He loved to read so I was lucky to be around all of his books, which I kept for years because they were a part of him. Most of all he held my hand wherever we went and took great pride in having a little girl. I loved the way he smelled so any chance of cuddling next to him when lied down (when sober) was heaven as he put his arm around me as he watched T.V. Often he would fall asleep during the program gently I would open his eyes and announce “Poppy your a sleep!”. “No, Baby” he would say, “I’m just resting my eyes”.

When my mother moved my brothers and I to California my father decided to stay in New York. I spent years not living with my father but, to me he was there everyday. It was because we spoke almost every day on the phone. Throughout my life he took every collect call from me especially when I cried because I missed him or simply needed to tell someone how I really felt about my world–other kids, the move to California, my interests and so forth.

My father was a terrible man domestic violence, murder, gambling, drug addiction, extreme violent episodes with my brothers and so on…

Now as an adult I realize he gave me one of the greatest gifts a child can receive he created quality time with me. He was fully engaged in creating a parent – child intimacy and trust between us. He took the time to share the best part of him. He did this throughout his years of absence through his endless conversations with me ending all with “I love you with all my heart”. Our quality of time became part of the foundation of how I love and chose to be loved.

If we can all learn in times of tragedy as in the loss of twenty children in Sandy Hook school it is not only to remember to hug your child but, to spend quality time, listen well and express your love. Guilt and regret are harder to live with than the process of grief and loss. Guilt and regret lead to a lifetime of self-hatred, feelings of failure and a refusal to forgive oneself.

It’s been many years since my father passed and yet, I think of him daily. I still speak to him daily in my mind. He visits me in my dreams when I accomplish something I’m truly passionate about letting me know he is still with me and therefore I am never alone. My father continues to live on in my heart.

As I tell him all the time “Dad, Pop please behave yourself in hell, stop womanizing, put down the bottle, and be nice to others. You need to behave so that you can meet me in heaven when it’s my time to go”.

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on December 16, 2012|Category: Books, Crisis, Excuse Free Living, Family & Parenting, Family & Relationships, Grief & Loss, Holidays, Life Coaching, Mental Health, Parenting, Self Improvement No Comments »

Facebook Fan Harvey Trent 2nd Response: Yell Fire

Harvey Trent: I LIKE WHAT’CHA SAYING THERE. GOOD FOR THE EX COP IN THAT SITUATION. FIRE WORKS BETTER THAN ANY OTHER WORD IN AN EMERGENCY. EVERYONE COMES OUT TO SEE WHERE IT”S AT. EVERY CRIMINAL KNOWS THAT. HINT HINT HINT… DON’T BEAT UP ON THOSE WHO LET YOU KNOW HOW THEY REALLY FEEL. YOU CAN’T CHANGE FEELINGS ONLY BEHAVIOR THRU SELF CHANGE.

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on April 7, 2012|Category: Books, Crisis, Economy, Education, Election, Excuse Free Living, Family & Parenting, Health, Healthcare, Life Coaching, Mental Health, Politics, Race, Self Improvement, Social Media, Stress, Uncategorized No Comments »

My Response to Facebook Fan Trent Harvey: Don’t Assume Someone Else Will Take Care of It

You’re preaching to the choir. I have 10 years of experience in Crisis Intervention Homicide/Suicide check out my bio. Zimmerman, the shooter was known to the community as a neighborhood watch guy. I doubt know one new who he was when he was chasing and bullying Trayvon. Zimmerman sits in his car regularly patrolling the gated community believe people know him otherwise he’d look like some pervert spying on everyone.

I am not saying be an idiot and don’t take precautions. But, this is a case someone may have at least tried to step up. Maybe, I have a different experience having grown up in foster care, mixed race and on Welfare. I grew were you don’t just close the blinds when something is happening in the moment. I’m a street kid from NY. I have 3 brothers and I have asked each one what would they have done they all said they would go check out what is happening when someone is screaming help. I did not say jump in and try to be a hero.

However, too many people are afraid of conflict, confrontation or just don’t want to be bothered. On the show, “What would you do?” 100 people stepped over a man in the middle of the sidewalk. An elderly woman who was a stranger to the man kept pleading for someone to help the man. Finally, a woman stopped and asked what was going on. It was as simple as a cell phone call to 911 for the man to go to the hospital. My point is it doesn’t have to be as extreme as the murder of Trayvon but if someone is yelling help don’t assume someone else will take care of it.

I don’t expect all people to have courage under fire. Absolutely, we are all human. But, I think it’s time to at least have a dialogue. More people need to realize they are not automatic victims or keep their head down. This affects people in all areas of their lives. I am not trying to be righteous or machisma I am asking people to be more thoughtful of others and help where they can.

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on April 7, 2012|Category: Books, Crisis, Economy, Education, Election, Excuse Free Living, Family & Parenting, Health, Healthcare, Life Coaching, Mental Health, Politics, Race, Self Improvement, Social Media, Stress No Comments »

Facebook Fan Harvey Trent Responded: Here’s What He had to Say

YOU HAVE TO HAVE BEEN IN THE WANNA BE HEROES SHOES TO KNOW WHAT THESE SKEPTICS ARE ABOUT. NOT EVERYONE IS IN CONTROL OF THEY’RE FACILITIES. ONE NEVER KNOWS THE EXTENT VIOLENT CONFRONTATION WILL TAKE YOU,UNLESS YOU’VE BEEN THERE BY CHOICE AND WAS NEVER THANKED OR ACKNOWLEDGED AS AN IMPEDING DEVICE SET AGAINST EVIL. IN OTHER WORDS TALK IS CHEAP AND COWARDICE IS RAMPANT. EVERYONE WANT TO BE ON THE SIDE OF RIGHT. AND MOST SAY THEY ARE. BUT IN VIOLENT SITUATIONS THE SITUATION WILL DICTATE YOUR RESPONSE OR YOUR CHOICE TO DECLINE INTERFERENCE. ONE SHOULD ALWAYS AT LEAST WANT TO BE AS YOU WOULD HOPE THEM TO BE. BUT IN THE END WHAT WE ARE IS HUMAN NO MATTER HOW WE SEE EACH OTHER.

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on April 7, 2012|Category: Books, Crisis, Economy, Education, Election, Excuse Free Living, Family & Parenting, Health, Life Coaching, Mental Health, Politics, Self Improvement, Social Media, Stress No Comments »