Archive for February, 2011

Billy Ray Father or Friend: Parenting an Adolescent Star!

Billy Ray get back to basics with your daughter! It is never too late to change your behavior and influence on Miley in building her character, humility, spirituality and gratitude for her talent. Billy Ray stop wallowing in the remorse of those who are now telling you and thinking, “I told you so”.

Miley’s entitled behavior and transparent attitude that she knows everything and her belief that she is a responsible mature adult is nothing new in the world of adolescents. Although she has refuted this since she was approximately 15 years old in interviews on shows such ‘The View’. It has been evident for several years in her tone, attitude and independent lifestyle that she has been way too much control of her life. It’s a facade in telling her fans and the media that she is a well behaved, down to earth, and family girl.  Some of these qualities are there but it is not the whole truth.

Unfortunately, making more money on the same show as her father (as the main character) only served to emasculate him as her father and his authority. His friendship relationship with her only served to reiterate a power reversal. At age 15 she had an entire side of the house to herself. Indeed, her father’s body language in the many photographs taken of them together over the years was not one of a strong father figure but as father passive to the media influence on her and hers on them.

As for her mother’s influence or attempt to stand up to Miley as a strong mother figure not much is known.  Except that at home her mother was framed as the bad cop while dad played good cop. Along with Miley’s hit TV show and the millions of dollars in her bank account could have led even the best of mom’s (parents) to feeling impotent in having any real control over their child’s life.  Miley’s multi talent makes the issue of her adolescent growth and character development that much more complicated for any parent. Strong parameters of behaviors with firm consequences are often thwarted by managers and time schedules.

Clearly, Billy Ray feels so powerless that he is talking openly to the media. This reaction to Miley’s behavior will only create more distance between hims and his daughter. This gives Miley the perfect excuse to distance herself from her father believing she may not be able to trust him.

I commend Billy Ray for reaching out before it’s too late however, the way he is reaching out can only serve as a power struggle. 18 is a powerful number in any attempt to have anyone’s kid suddenly conform. Parenting in and of itself is the hardest job in the world, parenting a teen and now a young adult star is one that very few of us will ever experience but it does not mean it can’t be done. Hilary Duff, Brandy and Mandy Moore are just a few examples.

Billy Ray needs to look at his own abandonment issues.  Moreover, “Did I make my relationship with my daughter a priority over my relationship with my wife”? Additionally, “Am I unconsciously using my daughter to jump start a second chance to revive my career?”

Angelina Jolie had a back lash reaction to her father Jon Voight speaking to the media with allegations regarding her behavior. His judgment of her alledging she needed mental health help. Billy Ray may be setting himself up for the same response.

When a parent has to go through the media to speak to their child about their concerns it is indicative of a relationship that has had a multitude of issues for some time with difficult communication and/or absent communication.

Billy Ray give her some space to process what you’ve done and then offer the most sincere heartfelt Olive branch you can to finding your way back. This is not an issue that will be fixed over night. Rather than using the media as an opportunity to express your grief and loss of the innocence you so coveted in your daughter.

When you refocus and your needs are no longer about getting empathy for you, but really focusing on her having a strong no non-sense dad so much more can change. Once your self-confident in the role of being her father, rather than focused on being liked by Miley she will begin to listen and communicate openly with you. Kids at all ages want structure, to know you will love them no matter what and you are not afraid to set boundaries with them. That’s how you earn respect as a father.

Billy Rae stop talking to the world and making excuses. Rest assured you are not alone in feeling you may have failed in your parenting. I am happy to hear you are taking personal responsibility but now back it up with real action.

Make it an Excuse Free Life! Dr. Leslie Seppinni
www.drleslietoday.com

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on February 18, 2011|Category: Career, Celebrity, Crisis, Education, Excuse Free Living, Family & Parenting, Family & Relationships, Health, Life Coaching, Love & Relationships, Mental Health No Comments »

Unbelievable ‘Recovery’, Gaga has a 3-some, –Beiber beat bythe heat but his “fever” is still here, Mick and Streisand historic!

Thrilled Lady Gaga hit at 3 Grammy’s after the diss at the American Music Awards. Great performance but very reminiscent of Madonna maybe it was the hair. Love, Love, Love Eminem so happy for his personal recovery and record ‘Recovery’ 2 out of 10 so what, when you win Best Rap album of the year that speaks for itself. Slim Shadys back. What a historic moment to see Streisand after all these years sing live at the Grammy’s. Aretha getting honored what more can you say. Shocked 80′s flashback Arcade won Best album of the year I really thought Gaga was going to get it this year. Shocked that for once talent got choosen over talent and hugh commercial success for Best New Artist of the Year. Fashionista Jennifer Lopez looked like a disco ball or maybe she was a crystal ball we will never know since the only one rubbing her tonight is her hubby Marc Anthony. Nice recovery for Christina Aguilara after tonight’s performance Superball Sunday what? Age means nothing in Rock and Roll — you go Mick! And for those of you who still think Country isn’t cool the last few years at the Grammys shows something very different. Definitely missed Pink but she has something that no win at the Grammy’s can compare to. Classic Rocker’s going STRONG. Finally good for you Selena Gomez for the direct eye contact of “Really you did not just go there”. Would love to hear your thoughts on tonight’s hits and misses. Make it an Excuse Free Life!

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on February 17, 2011|Category: Career, Celebrity, Excuse Free Living, Love & Relationships, Self Esteem 2 Comments »

Great Sex Takes Time

During the holiday’s I attended a close friend’s Christmas party. I have known her 2 boys since they were babies Tim 15 and Sonny 20. I had babysat them when they were younger and been to their birthdays, school plays, sport events etc. Sitting alone with Tim he began to whisper “Sonny had sex last summer with Chealsy (girlfriend throughout highschool). Tim went on to say he told me “it was boring” and “he didn’t know what the big deal was about”. I can’t believe that it was boring and not even fun.

Without outing Tim I waited a day or two when we all decided to go to to the movies. I asked Sonny (in an alone moment) how it was going with Chealsy. He said, “it’s good but sometimes I wish we could break up for a while I don’t want my entire college experience to have been only dating one person. But, then I get
totally annoyed at the thought of her dating other people I have to get over that”. “Don’t tell anyone but we finally had sex and it was boring, I don’t know, it’s not what I expected”.

So I don’t him the story of when I officially lost my virginity with my only highschool boyfriend. We decided to have sex (my mother dragged me to the doctor first for protection). We finally did it. It lasted maybe 2 minutes and I couldn’t believe that that was it. I thought, “it couldn’t be THAT’S it”.

The next day I went back over to my boyfriend’s house and waited for him outside sitting on a stoop. When he came home I blurted out “Can we try this again? This just can’t be it”. We had sex every day for a couple of weeks and I went to the book store read more about it and began having the time of my life.

I realized talking to my friend Sonny many young adults would feel relieved if they knew the it gets better and your not alone in thinking “That’s it?” in the beginning. Great sex takes time in getting to know yourself, what you like and don’t like, and getting to know your boyfriend or girlfriends body. Be patient it’s well worth it!

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on February 7, 2011|Category: Family & Parenting, Family & Relationships, Love & Relationships No Comments »

Keep Yourself Safe with Common Sense

On the news the other day, it was announced another young woman experienced an attempted rape while she was jogging. She didn’t hear the man who pushed her in the bushes because she was listening to her Ipod. I constantly see young women jogging alone at night who attend the University nearby. Most often they are wearing running shorts and sleeveless t-shirts. They run without pepper spray, cell phones or reflectors. Many neighborhoods and parks do not have enough street lights.

Common Sense is the Best. Try going with a friend, use paths that have other jogger’s, wear reflectors on your shoes, wrist bands or bright yellow shirt and/or jacket. This could also save your life from getting hit by a car and if pulled into the bushes you are easier to find. Tell someone where you are jogging and how long you expect to be gone. Don’t use the Ipod at night attach your cell phone to a little jogging pack, have money in your shoe and some form of ID. Women don’t dress provacatively while jogging. If possible try to change your jogging schedule so someone watching doesn’t know you have a set routine. Learn self-defense and/or carry a registered, licensed stun gun with you. Try not to leave your keys in the same plotted plant outside of your apartment or house that’s the easiest way for someone to walk right in. I say it all the time prevention is your best self-defense.

Posted by Dr. Leslie Seppinni on February 4, 2011|Category: Health, Self Help No Comments »